The gentle, "No Bev."

      There definitely have been moments where Jesus has answered my prayers with a gentle and firm, yet oh so quiet, "No Bev.” There have been moments when He has answered with, "No," and I have not understood why.

      I am so glad that Jesus Christ is the ultimate authority. I love that he knows and wants what is best for me. It is humbling to think about how He knows what is best for me and wants that for me even more than I want it for myself.
     I love, love, love the times that I get to stand back in awe of Jesus especially after enduring something difficult. I love, love, love the times in my life where I can look back and think: "Wow Jesus, that was perfect," "That experience was so great," "it was totally in your timing, and thank you so much Jesus that you orchestrated it that way," and "Thank you Jesus for what You did in that situation."
     Jesus I acknowledge Your fingerprints all over every situation, circumstance, season, minute, moment in my life and I praise you for who You are and for always holding my hand.
     I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit helped me to hear His quiet and gentle, "No bev," no matter what the reason or circumstance. If the "No Bev," is about a decision that has to be made about how I spend an afternoon, a day, a weekend, a week, a season, or a year I want to be wherever it is that He wants me to be. I want to be in tune with the Jesus and keep in step with the Holy Spirit, even so I can hear His quiet, "No Bev."

Don't Let Satan Swipe Your Joy Card

Swiper sneaking up on Dora and Boots!

     As I sit here on the ground in between bookshelves at school I have been thinking about how there has been such an intense and really very heavy battle going on for my joy, it is totally unreal. I knew that once I got back from Santa Cruz that my life was going to change and be difficult, I do believe the holy spirit gave me a heads up about the season to come, but I honestly did not think it was going to be this difficult! I genuinely did not realize the next season of my life was going to be the most challenging season of my life. I did not and do not know how long this season is going to last, but I am holding onto Jesus with all that I am.
    I believe that Jesus Christ is at work all the time, but for whatever reason sometimes we see it and other times we do not. The past couple of weeks I have seen Him answering prayers in huge ways and moving a lot. It has been so amazing to have received freedom from insecurities, freedom from the bondage of unforgiveness that I had allowed myself to be enslaved to. I love how He has shown me the freedom He has given me to be honest with my friends, by genuinely being me and totally pouring out my heart and by just being me no matter how weird, silly, or serious I happen to end up being. I am so thankful for the freedom that the Lord has given me.  I felt like the holy spirit was going...hold on to Jesus Bevy, hold on.
     I know the following is going to be silly... but I see Swiper from Dora to be somewhat equivalent to Satan. Hold on...let me explain. I hope this makes sense... Swiper from Dora is a sneaky fox that tries to steal key elements that Dora needs in order to accomplish her mission; reaching her destination. I think we all have a JOY card and its up to us whether we allow it to get swiped; taken from us. I believe Satan acts similarly to Swiper and tries to steal it. In the show Dora can say "Swiper no Swiping," in order for him to stop what it is that He is doing. I think that in my life I totally have to pray and ask the Lord to help me, to fight through the power of the Holy Spirit, through the resurrection power to help me to not allow Satan to swipe my JOY card.
    To be honest I can name a few very close girl friends that always have a smile on their faces and I know it is the Jesus in them that totally radiates on their faces.
    My prayer: Dear Jesus, I thank you so much for this day and I ask that you help me to not allow Satan to swipe my JOY card. Jesus I want the joy that I have found in You to radiate all over my face that others may see the joy and peace that I have and wonder what it is that is different about me so that I can tell them about my awesome daddy! There has been such a fight for my joy and in Jesus name please give me strength to not allow swiper-Satan to not steal my JOY card. Thank you Jesus for never leaving me nor forsaking me. In Jesus name, Amen.

Is There Untapped Freedom?

Is there beauty in being transparent? Is there beauty or freedom in being completely honest with absolutely everyone? Is there untapped freedom? 

    Often within the past year I have felt like I have stopped myself from sharing my whole heart in conversations, in sharing revelations with beautiful friend overs lunch, I have not obeyed, I have greived the Holy Spirit. I have often found myself not sharing something that is really deep, a pain, a broken area of my life, or even something the Lord has whispered to me. I have often not blogged about something because it was something painful or "too personal," or about something that is near to my heart that I just don't feel like sharing, even though deep down I know I ought to share. And after I wave goodbye to opportunities to share, after I have disobeyed, after I have let my pride get in the way. I am so disappointed in myself!
     I think it is scary to be completely 100% honest with others and to share my heart. I have often sat alone at the end of lunch with a friend, a conversation, or beside my laptop with a blog entry that was never posted or that was shortened and ask myself: "Why?"
   The real deal:

    This blog was created with a my eyes only policy. This blog is not advertised by word of mouth. If you're reading this you may have found the link from facebook or we may have ended up having a conversation and somehow You found out I blogged and here you are. To be completely honest the idea of you reading this scares me more than anything in the world, but please continue reading. I hope you are encouraged by whatever you find here.

     This blog is me. It's all of me. It's my heart on a plate being served for whoever wants to read.

 At this point in my life I would much rather live on the edge of being 100% me than holding back. What's the fun or freedom in that? There is none.

     This year I will be praying that the Lord will help me to be honest with the people around me and be honest in my posts on this blog and I pray that He will use this blog for His glory, that you and others, that whoever reads this will be encouraged and pointed to Jesus Christ.

     It is so interesting that the word freedom has been on my heart for a long time. I used to think that was a word for another girl, but it was for me. I needed to be reminded that I was set free. I needed to be reminded that I AM FREE.

    I asked the Lord in September of 2011 if He would talk away my insecurities and give me confidence. I waited and waited and was frustrated that I still felt the same and that the Lord had not answered my prayer by saying, "Yes." I don't know if there was an exact moment when it happened, but all I know is that over the course of the winter conference He took away my insecurities and gave me confidence. He just did something inside of me, I don't know what He did, but I know that He freed me.

    Is there beauty in being transparent? Is there untapped freedom? I believe there is!

    There is freedom in tears. There is healing and freedom and that comes when you tell your story. There is freedom in sharing where you are in your walk, on your journey with Jesus Christ. There is freedom in sharing with others that you are walking through with Jesus.

Walking Out Our Faith

Walking out our faith- that has been on my heart for a little while.
    Forgiveness is a fight. Every day choosing to forgive and to love, denying my flesh, choosing love over forgiveness; its a battle. The battle is inevitable, how I fight is up to me. I will either walk, live, fight through the power of the holy spirit or I don't.

Prayer: Lord I have come to the realization that I try to do everything in my own strength. I push You away, I try to fight the battles and carry the weapons myself, but I can't even carry the weapons. Jesus thank You for reminding me that You have already gone before me in all things, the cross and the resurrection, You conquered death. You went before me in the biggest and most important thing in the world, Your love covered me, You payed my debt. Will You help me to remember that You go before me and that You have prepared the way? Amen.

A December 27 Sky

I spy with my little eyes a heart up above, it is Jesus sharing His heart, His love. This is a picture I took on the way home from spending time with my family over Christmas break. I am so thankful the Lord painted this heart in the sky on December 27, 2011. This is the most beautiful picture I have ever taken! I love this picture so much!