Learning to Rest In Green Pastures

     As silly and bizarre as it sounds I believe I am learning a new art form; rest. I never expected to force myself to embrace such an action, or lack thereof.
    "Rest," was once four little letters sandwiched together that I longed for from November to the first week of May. I have been running from...ppsst, [in hushed tones] you know, the r-word.
     The past few weeks have been spent with mod podge in my left hand and a paint brush in my right as my Kari Jobe playlist repeats. It has been a feat of strength to simply rest. I have found myself back tracking to moments in my crazy semester, thinking of the projects I swore I would do when I had time to rest, and I've been trying, in a sense to keep myself busy. It has been quite the little journey transitioning from running all over creation: working, running errands, doing homework, and spending time with friends and family to, not having a to do list what so ever.
      As I read Psalm 23, the Lord opened my eyes to the fact that Jesus, "MAKES me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters..." I am no Bible scholar, but I do believe the Holy Spirit shed a little light on the second verse of Psalm 23, because I had always passed it over. I may have a peaceful and calm spirit overall, but He knows me well enough to know that I only rest when forced. I do believe this summer he is a season of pulling a Psalm 23:2, hardcore. He is without a doubt making me lie down, I believe in the green pastures, being the five acres I live on and this summer being a season of quiet waters.
     I need to stop leaning on my "genius" idea of what this season is supposed to be look like, feel like, and taste like and simply learn to rest in the green pastures He has provided. As I learn to simply rest here, I pray for and anticipate Him to restore my soul as He said in Psalm 23:3 and to restore yours as well!

He Is Not A Side Line Daddy

     She couldn't see Him as she learned to ride her bike at seven years old. And she could not see him when she made forts in the living room with her cousins. She could not see him when she moved to a different state with arms folded. She could not see him as she met one of her best friends. She could not see Him when she walked through the halls of her high school. She could not see Him as she walked across a stage wearing a blue cap and gown. She could not see Him as He provided for her first year of college. She could not see Him when she met some of her closests friends and was blessed by wonderful relationships and community of believers. She could not see him as she went through a deep valley of despair while moving forward with perseverance and in prayer as she prayed, "Have your way." She could not see Him when she was so excited when she started dating a young Christ warrior in her second year of college. She could not see Him as she persevered through academic hardships. She could not see Him as she was accepted to a local four year university. And she knew she would not see Him as she walked across the stage to graduation with her Associate of Arts degree, but she knew that He would be there. She knew that He would be sitting in the front row even though she could not see him. She knew that He had always gone before her and prepared the way. She knew that even though she could not physically see Him, He was ALWAYS THERE and would ALWAYS BE THERE. She knew that he was not a distant daddy. She knew that as she was drawing nearer to Him, He was drawing nearer to her. She knew that He was never on the sidelines, because He was always a  holding-her-hand daddy. She knew He would never leave her nor forsake her. And she knew that He loved her and always will love her. 
    Although she is figuring out who she is, she knows whose she is. She knows that she is His, first and foremost, forever His.
   She praises Him for not being a side line daddy, because she knows He is so much more than that.

Taking It Slow

As your feet go, go, go you are saying, "no, no no."
As I whisper softly, "slow, slow, slow,"
"for I have things to show," and "if you would just rest you would know, as you come there is food for your soul."
    Often times I believe my heart cry has been "no," towards the Lord as He is saying "slow, slow slow," because He has things that He wants to teach me if I would only enter into His presence.
    I may have somewhat of a peaceful and calm personality, but I most definitely am completely restless before the Lord. I feel as though I am just now learning the importance of being still in His presence and how to do that. I am learning to have a heart and a physical position similar to Mary's.
     Mary sat at Jesus Christ's feet, ready to learn, she knew how to physically be still before the Lord.  Mary for sure was a Psalm 46:10 woman.
    Often times in my life I have been so busy and decided to cut out my quiet time. The Lord has so much He wants to teach and show us, He totally wants to minister to our hearts, and I don't want to miss out on sweet time with the Lord.
    I am very excited to continue to learn what it means to sit at His feet. I know that if I do not slow down and sit at His feet I will miss what it is God wants to teach me. I hope you are encouraged to slow down, get in the Lord's presence, and simply being still and quiet before Him. Nothing is more beautiful or satisfying than to commune with our Creator.

Isaiah 48:17 
This is what the Lord says--
Your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go."

Free, Free to Be a Stinkin' Nut!

   Normally the posts on this blog are on the serious side and about what I'm learning about, but I wanted to shake things up a little. Hang on!

    I arrived at the optometrist's office early to take a look at the frames they had to offer. I was surprised at the large section of frames and was excited to try them on. I was looking for a pair of somewhat sophisticated and yet fun glasses that would fit my face shape and get me through college and beyond (frames can be expensive and I want to keep a pair of frames for as long as possible).
   I was so excited and confident that I could pick out a pair of glasses that were fun and that I liked. Well, lets just say I am such a nut (silly). There were several glasses that I looked at, decided to pick up and even go as far as try them on and they were absolutely ridiculous on me. I was in this small office trying on glasses and laughing all by myself. Yes, I did try on several pairs of glasses, look in the mirror, laugh hysterically, and quickly take them off of my face. I am sure the ladies sitting in the waiting area thought I was such a nut. Lesson learned, the next time I go to pick out frames I will have someone I trust come and help me. Its okay though, I'm free, free to be a stinkin' nut!

A Sweet Little Sound

The other night around eleven I had my window open as a beautiful, calm, March breeze rushed pass my skin. As I sat on my bed studying biology I realized there was a sweet little sound on the other side of my window. The beautiful little sound was coming from a small bird. As I closed my eyes I was able to forget that it was eleven p.m. and was instead envisioning the rising sun. I was indeed caught off guard as this little bird beautifully sang its song late that night. This bird was in the midst of singing a beautiful song unto its Creator! I was somewhat surprised to hear it. I for some reason or another thought birds only sang during the day...praise God they sing beautiful songs at night! Its so awesome! I don't know why this experience was captivating and yes, it was very exciting to me! I think it is so wonderful that birds sing praises unto the lord everyday at all times. If a bird is singing praises at 11:30 PM on a branch in the cool of the night... I most definitely wanted to join in and sing a beautiful melody too. I then sang a few songs while the Creator continued to send a cool breeze through my window. I love sweet moments with the Creator. What beautiful moment(s) have you had with your Creator this week?

Will You Help Me Attend the She Speaks Conference?

“She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26

The She Speaks Conference is a life-changing conference for women seeking to step out in the passion God has placed on their heart. Hosted by Proverbs 31 Ministries (501(c)3), She Speaks encourages and equips women to make the most of their messages, communicating God's Word through:

She Writes: (Writers Track) From basic writing guidelines to preparing an article or manuscript for submission, and everything in between. In addition, the opportunity to meet one-on-one with some of the top editors, publishers, and literary agents in the Christian market.

She Speaks: (Speakers Track) Whether speaking in a large arena or leading Bible studies in church, participants will be equipped with the tools needed to effectively share the Word of God, create a bio sheet, market her ministry, and give successful presentations.

   Over the past year and a half the Lord has placed a desire in my heart to be a writer and has shown me that writing truly is a form of worship! I asked the Lord to show me how and when to pursue this desire he has placed in my heart and I believe He wants me to take a step of faith and attend She Speaks.  I am very excited about attending this conference and I am trusting the Lord to provide financially. The conference registration fee is $650.00. Will you prayfully consider partnering with me through a financial contribution towards a scholarship?

As you feel led to join me in this exciting call, there are two ways to participate.

Call Proverbs 31 Ministries at

877-731-4663 to contribute by credit card;

 or send a check payable to Proverbs 31 Ministries to:

Proverbs 31 Ministries

She Speaks Scholarship/Beverly Benitez

616-G Matthews-Mint Hill Road

Matthews, NC 28105

Please be sure to designate the scholarship in my name in order to credit my scholarship fund. You will be receipted for your tax-deductible donation. For more information: www.shespeaksconference.com or you can e-mail me at beverly0517@hotmail.com

 Thank you for your prayers and support!

-Beverly Benitez

Letting Go of the Barbie Mentality and the Lies

      Here are a few of my memories and thoughts about Barbie. When I was young I owned several barbies. At the time I thought Barbies were beautiful toys with beautiful hair, colored eyes, and skin color. I do remember I began with one barbie and at some pointed accumulated on too many. And I will confess that a family member purchased, in my young eyes a "hot pink and super cute" limo when really it was a materialistic Pepto-Bismol piece of plastic with four wheels! Yes a Barbie and her Pepto-Bismol colored vehicle are not awful toys, but I have picked up on one message Barbie sent to our culture.
     Now looking back, I do believe the "cute" look and idea of having a barbie and accessorizing her is really a message and comment on our culture. Barbie was believed to be a strong and yet fierce-plastic representation of what a woman ought to look like and be like...yuck! How sad that some of us have at some point bought into the lie of what beauty is or ought to look like and it takes us back to a I am not at all familiar with the way in which Barbie progressed or "grew up," but its so intense. Yes, she's a plastic doll, but there is something deeper here, something very heavy about the message and the power behind this tan piece of plastic. Without doing any researching on the production, accessories, and life of Barbie and what she "offered" young girls of the generation in which she was produced I do believe a few things about Barbie.
     Barbie developed and changed. Barbie was all about the pinkest, the cutest, the newest, the boldest, the biggest, and the better "it" item. Barbie was on the go. Barbie was all about dropping everything she was doing to pursue the biggest and newest thing.
      This whole idea and thinking was revealed to me I believe by the Holy Spirit while I was driving in the car and today. I was driving in the car and this woman very quickly and obviously zoomed by me and in frustration and a certain degree of surprise I said aloud, "see ya later Barbie!" I honestly was so surprised that I said that, I have no idea where that came from, obviously my heart. And then I though to myself, why in the world did I call her, "Barbie," and then it hit me, Barbie is always so on the go and all about whats next.
       I know that I am a busy college student and our culture is all about having a plan, knowing whats next, and being on the go. I don't want to be so into what is next in life that I forsake and miss out on the right now. I want to make the most of the beautiful and blessed present.  I often do have a Barbie mentality and I want to rest in Jesus where I am and take one step at a time. In everything I want to be in step with the Holy Spirit and I want to walk with my Dad in every season. I'll pray that He helps me to let go of the Barbie mentality and the lies.

Trust

Taking time to listen
Resting in Jesus
Understanding His ways are higher
Sitting at His feet in prayer
Thanking Him for what He will do/for how He will lead and guide us

I want to learn what it means to trust Jesus. I am sure it is not a lesson I can learn in one day. Trusting Jesus is a daily act, a daily action.

"Hearts" is the title

      In keeping with the freedom mission on this blog and honesty, no matter how serious, funny, or embarrassing; here is a key-hole sized view into my past. I know I wrote this twelve years ago today, I was seven years old. I don't know what all had happened up to this point, I'm not sure if I had started my personal relationship with Jesus at this point, but I do know that the Holy Spirit had been revealing Jesus' MAD CRAZY HUGE AWESOME WONDERFUL love for ME!
    I remember that I was in first grade when I began having a personal relationship with Jesus. I also remember that I would often write about Jesus in many of my school assignments, whether He was the prompt or not.
    One afternoon last week I looked through one box that contained several writing journals, assignments, art work, and small treasures my mom had saved from the precious first grade. When I think first grade I think of my funny drawings and multiple misspelled words written in awful handwriting with letters in all different sizes.
    The picture above shows my thought process and what I had been learning, its sporadic, honestly probably very similar to this and other blog posts. In the picture its obvious that I started off with writing about shapes, then to hearts, then to Valentine's Day and crossed on over into God's love. I love that I thought of Jesus first when I thought about valentine's day, that is very special and sweet.
     I really do want to be able to say that Jesus is my first love. I want to proclaim that having a relationship with Jesus is the most beautiful and satisfying relationship I will ever have. In the next couple days I will be praying for an opportunity to share with someone that I will forever and always have a Valentine to spend time with on Valentine's day and His name is Jesus.I pray that my focus on valentine's day from this point forward, single or in a relationship that I will spend time with my first love, with my forever Valentine named Jesus and then possible get excited about spending a later part of the day with a man the Lord has placed in my life at the time. Jesus loves me so much and created me to have a personal relationship with Him. He created YOU for the same purpose!
   The world views February 14th as single's awareness day...that's a bunch of none sense. Christ follower: pray that February 14th will be Daddy Awareness Day, that men and women will come to Jesus, seeing Him as their daddy and understanding His great love for them! 
   Jesus loves you so much!

The gentle, "No Bev."

      There definitely have been moments where Jesus has answered my prayers with a gentle and firm, yet oh so quiet, "No Bev.” There have been moments when He has answered with, "No," and I have not understood why.

      I am so glad that Jesus Christ is the ultimate authority. I love that he knows and wants what is best for me. It is humbling to think about how He knows what is best for me and wants that for me even more than I want it for myself.
     I love, love, love the times that I get to stand back in awe of Jesus especially after enduring something difficult. I love, love, love the times in my life where I can look back and think: "Wow Jesus, that was perfect," "That experience was so great," "it was totally in your timing, and thank you so much Jesus that you orchestrated it that way," and "Thank you Jesus for what You did in that situation."
     Jesus I acknowledge Your fingerprints all over every situation, circumstance, season, minute, moment in my life and I praise you for who You are and for always holding my hand.
     I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit helped me to hear His quiet and gentle, "No bev," no matter what the reason or circumstance. If the "No Bev," is about a decision that has to be made about how I spend an afternoon, a day, a weekend, a week, a season, or a year I want to be wherever it is that He wants me to be. I want to be in tune with the Jesus and keep in step with the Holy Spirit, even so I can hear His quiet, "No Bev."

Don't Let Satan Swipe Your Joy Card

Swiper sneaking up on Dora and Boots!

     As I sit here on the ground in between bookshelves at school I have been thinking about how there has been such an intense and really very heavy battle going on for my joy, it is totally unreal. I knew that once I got back from Santa Cruz that my life was going to change and be difficult, I do believe the holy spirit gave me a heads up about the season to come, but I honestly did not think it was going to be this difficult! I genuinely did not realize the next season of my life was going to be the most challenging season of my life. I did not and do not know how long this season is going to last, but I am holding onto Jesus with all that I am.
    I believe that Jesus Christ is at work all the time, but for whatever reason sometimes we see it and other times we do not. The past couple of weeks I have seen Him answering prayers in huge ways and moving a lot. It has been so amazing to have received freedom from insecurities, freedom from the bondage of unforgiveness that I had allowed myself to be enslaved to. I love how He has shown me the freedom He has given me to be honest with my friends, by genuinely being me and totally pouring out my heart and by just being me no matter how weird, silly, or serious I happen to end up being. I am so thankful for the freedom that the Lord has given me.  I felt like the holy spirit was going...hold on to Jesus Bevy, hold on.
     I know the following is going to be silly... but I see Swiper from Dora to be somewhat equivalent to Satan. Hold on...let me explain. I hope this makes sense... Swiper from Dora is a sneaky fox that tries to steal key elements that Dora needs in order to accomplish her mission; reaching her destination. I think we all have a JOY card and its up to us whether we allow it to get swiped; taken from us. I believe Satan acts similarly to Swiper and tries to steal it. In the show Dora can say "Swiper no Swiping," in order for him to stop what it is that He is doing. I think that in my life I totally have to pray and ask the Lord to help me, to fight through the power of the Holy Spirit, through the resurrection power to help me to not allow Satan to swipe my JOY card.
    To be honest I can name a few very close girl friends that always have a smile on their faces and I know it is the Jesus in them that totally radiates on their faces.
    My prayer: Dear Jesus, I thank you so much for this day and I ask that you help me to not allow Satan to swipe my JOY card. Jesus I want the joy that I have found in You to radiate all over my face that others may see the joy and peace that I have and wonder what it is that is different about me so that I can tell them about my awesome daddy! There has been such a fight for my joy and in Jesus name please give me strength to not allow swiper-Satan to not steal my JOY card. Thank you Jesus for never leaving me nor forsaking me. In Jesus name, Amen.

Is There Untapped Freedom?

Is there beauty in being transparent? Is there beauty or freedom in being completely honest with absolutely everyone? Is there untapped freedom? 

    Often within the past year I have felt like I have stopped myself from sharing my whole heart in conversations, in sharing revelations with beautiful friend overs lunch, I have not obeyed, I have greived the Holy Spirit. I have often found myself not sharing something that is really deep, a pain, a broken area of my life, or even something the Lord has whispered to me. I have often not blogged about something because it was something painful or "too personal," or about something that is near to my heart that I just don't feel like sharing, even though deep down I know I ought to share. And after I wave goodbye to opportunities to share, after I have disobeyed, after I have let my pride get in the way. I am so disappointed in myself!
     I think it is scary to be completely 100% honest with others and to share my heart. I have often sat alone at the end of lunch with a friend, a conversation, or beside my laptop with a blog entry that was never posted or that was shortened and ask myself: "Why?"
   The real deal:

    This blog was created with a my eyes only policy. This blog is not advertised by word of mouth. If you're reading this you may have found the link from facebook or we may have ended up having a conversation and somehow You found out I blogged and here you are. To be completely honest the idea of you reading this scares me more than anything in the world, but please continue reading. I hope you are encouraged by whatever you find here.

     This blog is me. It's all of me. It's my heart on a plate being served for whoever wants to read.

 At this point in my life I would much rather live on the edge of being 100% me than holding back. What's the fun or freedom in that? There is none.

     This year I will be praying that the Lord will help me to be honest with the people around me and be honest in my posts on this blog and I pray that He will use this blog for His glory, that you and others, that whoever reads this will be encouraged and pointed to Jesus Christ.

     It is so interesting that the word freedom has been on my heart for a long time. I used to think that was a word for another girl, but it was for me. I needed to be reminded that I was set free. I needed to be reminded that I AM FREE.

    I asked the Lord in September of 2011 if He would talk away my insecurities and give me confidence. I waited and waited and was frustrated that I still felt the same and that the Lord had not answered my prayer by saying, "Yes." I don't know if there was an exact moment when it happened, but all I know is that over the course of the winter conference He took away my insecurities and gave me confidence. He just did something inside of me, I don't know what He did, but I know that He freed me.

    Is there beauty in being transparent? Is there untapped freedom? I believe there is!

    There is freedom in tears. There is healing and freedom and that comes when you tell your story. There is freedom in sharing where you are in your walk, on your journey with Jesus Christ. There is freedom in sharing with others that you are walking through with Jesus.